1.09.2005

I've been married before.

This little fling w/David isn't my first, but I do hope it's more than a fling and will be my last.

As a young girl, I was very Catholic and very close to my family until I met a boy named Eugene. He was a nice enough boy, if a little unusual. I met him at a bar where I was the hostess and he was one of the waiters. Eugene used to do things for his customers like, pretend he was the ketchup and talk to the french fries or pretend he was the straw that really wanted to be sucked. This was for the sake of the children, of course. Except the time he sat down on the floor right in front of a couple w/no children and took their order. He was tired? I don't know, he was just trying to make some tips so he could go to Newby's that night and lay down some burden. He was interested at first in a girl named Clark. Clark had bumpy legs and curly hair. She was okay unil I decided I wanted to know more about this Eugene and I kept seeing him going into her apartment, which happened to be across the grass from mine. After some time of making eyes at each other, he asked me to meet him at Newby's for a drink after work. He was planning to tell me that he had an obligation to Clark and he really couldn't go on making eyes at me. That's not what he said, though. Instead, we talked over one glass of coke and a bev nap for more than a few hours. I decided then that fate was about to take over and I was his for life. We dated for about 8 months before he told me about his burden's. I didn't want to know. They were something awful. By then, though, I was in too deep and willing to do just about anything for him. Looking back, I was probably looking for an excuse to exit my comfortable existance in favor of something a bit more adventuresome and dramatic. His name was written all over it, and he was my ticket.

Eugene grew up in a pretty low-income, if you will, military town outside of Memphis. He never wanted to be a marine, but he didn't have anything better waiting for him, so he enlisted shortly after high school. He had a girlfriend who went to college and I guess he didn't want to be left behind, so he left too. Two years into his commitment, he went AWOL. That sounds so dramatic, but there's really no other way around what he did. He saw more than he wanted to see and he left before he was too hard to ever get his heart back. That's when he got the job at Applebee's and met me. Me; the girl who was willing to believe everything he ever said. The girl no one had ever lied to before. The girl who had no reason to doubt his sincerity. I still don't, actually. It was his actions that should've been doubted. He could justify practically anything.

He told me the marines were looking for him and he'd have to either serve time for leaving or we could run. Those were our options. I'd been thinking about marriage and wedding dresses; he'd been thinking about jail time and the brig. He told me we could set up camp elsewhere, never to be found. We could come up with alias's, live in a small town never to be bothered again. I'd have to leave my family without telling them anything, but we'd have each other and how wonderful was that?

I'm writing about this now because a teacher once told me that a person should wait until their emotions have completely left a situation before attempting to write about something they've actaully gone through. I've tried so many times in the past to write about this, and it always comes out sounding like angsty teenage drivel. I've been seperated from that part of my life for so many years now, and I'm in such a different place that I can think about what happened for what it was. Childish, misguided idealism that I'm so thankful I went through. It made me who I am today; someone I'm not too embarrassed to be. Also, I was thinking about Eugene recently. His life didn't change as much as I'd hoped for him. Everyone can't be as lucky to find someone to talk things through with as I have. David's the most supportive, non-judgemental person I've ever met. I wish Eugene would've found someone like him.

I'll have to tell you the rest later. Now, I need to pay the car note and do some laundry. Maybe take the dog for a walk.

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